Listening 101

Sometimes the simplest things are the most difficult. Like active listening. We often think of ourselves as good listeners; but are we really? Or, are we distracted, or disengaged, or just waiting for our turn to speak.

Listening is more than hearing. Consider this: have you ever had the experience of talking to your teenager (or dare I say, spouse) who does not appear to be listening ? You comment "You haven't heard a word I said" only to get the response, "Yes I did you said blah blah blah etc. etc.". Of course, he or she just repeated your words verbatim. Yet, you did not FEEL the person was listening.

Listening is not just about content, but it is about process. It is about making an emotional connection, showing the speaker you are engaged, genuinely interested and involved. Yet in today's world, especially the business setting, we find it difficult to listen as closely as we should. There are many distractions, too many priorities to attend to, and a pace that is hard to keep up with. When we try to listen, we are bombarded by emails, IMs, telephone calls, tweets and all sorts of other stimuli that take our attention away from the human activity we call listening.

Maybe its time we all took a course in Listening 101. It is likely to improve our work productivity and may just make our spouses a little happier too.

Tired of the Generational Wars? Me too!

It is very common to hear these days about the war between the generations. You know, how the Boomers can't deal with the Millennials, and how Generation X is misunderstood, while Generation Y (unlike everyone else, apparently) wants "work life balance" and on and on. This so-called generational conflict is itself generating enormous billable hours and white papers from consultancies. Well, frankly, I'm a bit tired of the whole thing. I'm tired because these discussions are based upon such gross generalizations and they do not seem to move us any closer toward a shared understanding. On the contrary, they seem to fuel an "US vs. THEM" attitude in the workplace. I also think there are major misconceptions inherent in the discussion; for example:

What does a Leader look like?

I've been engaged in a recent discussion on an online HR group on age discrimination. Though most people acknowledge it exists, many prefer to avoid the discussion as it seems too negative to dwell on.

So its my blog and I'll cry if I want to (a baby boomer reference...get it?)

Age discrimination is alive and well. So is discrimination based on gender, race, ethnicity, disability, sexual orientation and any number of other issues. The reality is, we all hold biases, many we don't even realize. I think its important to acknowledge these biases--in a sense, surface them so we can deal with them. The first step toward change is always awareness.

Are you a Techno-phobe?

Techno-phobia---noun...meaning fear, anxiety, pounding heart, sweating profusely or downright dread in regard to learning new technologies.

OK, its not a real diagnosis, but one I just made up. (See, some advantages to being a card-carrying Psychologist).

Many people simply dread the notion of having to learn a new application or call the IT guys who are going to make you look foolish, so its easier to avoid the whole thing. Unfortunately, like any other phobia, avoidance only makes the fear and trepidation stronger. So why not embrace it?

I am one of these Baby Boomers who buck the stereotypes---I love technology, love learning how to use new apps and really enjoy the IT guys, even if they sometimes drive me crazy with their lingo. But really, if you are avoiding learning and using new applications, you are missing out on some really great opportunities, especially for marketing, networking and collaborating. The reality is that with technology, the more you use it the easier it gets... it may take some time up front, but once you get over the hump, there is smooth sailing.

Also--there is so much help out there on the web that you can learn practically anything for free. There are online discussion groups, free self-tutorials, and lots of gurus willing to help. So you don't even have to call your brother-in-law and hassle him with your questions.

If you are reading this blog, you can't be too technology-risk-averse. So go out and try something new, even if it involves weird and crazy concepts like twittering and dancing avatars. Life is short.

Personality, Leadership and Organizational Performance

Just back from the Society of Consulting Psychologists (APA, division 13) conference in San Diego entitled, "Excellence in Leadership". As I make my re-entry from the land of palm trees and sunshine into the cold and chilly New England climate I have some time to reflect on more than the question "How is it a Florida girl ended up in this wintry mess?". I think also of the big questions raised at the conference.

One particularly thought provoking seminar was delivered by Eric Nelson and Robert Hogan (Hogan Assessments) entitled, "Personality, values and employee engagement". There were many good nuggets of information and unlike some of the ideas circulating around the literature on leadership, their work is clearly grounded in solid research.

Some of the key points delivered:

• Leadership Matters---a person in charge can make or break a company
• Good Leadership (and Bad Leadership) is a function of Personality
• Senior Leaders establish the organizational culture
• 47% of Employees distrust Senior Leaders of their companies
• Personality predicts Leadership Performance better than IQ
• High Employee Engagement leads to positive business outcomes

And, my all time favorite (which you may recognize from my earlier blog postings)....

• People don't quit organizations, they quit their bosses.

As a Leadership Consultant I am sometimes asked what a Psychologist has to do with business, or given suggestions to "disguise" my psychological credentials to avoid scaring away potential clients who don't see the connection between business and psychology in the workplace.

Yet the research is clear, whether it comes from the Organizational, Personality or Business Management field: Leadership is Personal; and ignoring that reality is costly !

In celebration of a great leader--Martin Luther King

What are the qualities of a great leader? What I look for most is Moral Character...which means the willingness to stand up for what you believe in, even in the face of adversity. The link below takes you to a brief video of MLK speaking on his morals in reference to his stand on the Vietnam War, in which he received criticism from many.....How can we encourage moral leadership today?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqpoztS2GWU

If the layoff happens to you....

National unemployment rates hit 7.2% in December according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, and in some states it is even higher, approaching double digits. These are scary numbers but still a bit abstract; when the layoff happens to you, or a family member, then the abstraction becomes reality real quick.

Before going into a panic (or after the panic has subsided) recognize that you are not alone, the economy will recover, and so will you.

Here are some tips for keeping your focus and moving forward in your career....

1. Leave your job graciously. And by that I don't mean in the style of Miss Manners but simply don't burn your bridges. People are sometimes called back to work after layoffs and if you create a major disruption, explode in anger or use it as an opportunity to get back at those folks who always bugged you, you will likely not be called back.

2. Exchange contact info with those you really want to keep in touch with. They may be helpful during your job search.

3. If your company provides Outplacement Services, by all means, take advantage of it. Many professionals, especially executives, assume these services are too low level and not likely to be of help. However, this is when you need all the help you can get. Even if you consider yourself great at interviewing, you may not have done it for awhile and the rules may have changed. Interviewing today might include: interviewing by phone, even by video conferencing, group interviews, stress interviews, behavioral interviewing, work simulations, psychological interviews....the list goes on and on. Any practice, advice or assistance you can get in this area will be helpful. And besides, these services are provided for free, so what is there to lose?

4. Network, network, network. Still the best way to find a position, especially for higher level jobs. Refine your networking skills. Hopefully you will have kept up with it while working, but if not it is time to re-connect with people who might be helpful. Former colleagues, professional associations, networking meetings, friends, family, strangers on the street...OK maybe not strangers on the street, but you will be surprised at the information you can get when you start talking with people. The Dad or Mom at the hockey game standing on the sidelines could be a valuable contact. Social networking via the web can also be very valuable, especially sites like Linked In: www.linkedin.com It is basically facebook or myspace for professionals. I have found it particularly helpful for getting back in touch with people. Set up a profile, join a group, start a discussion and get your name out there.

5. Prioritize your job hunting time. The internet is invaluable but it can consume all your time if you're not careful. Find some reliable search engines and check them regularly but beware of the tendency to waste hours upon hours checking over job boards and bumping into the same jobs at different sites.

6. Keep your perspective. Unfortunately, finding a new job can take a while---sometimes you are lucky and find something immediately. Often it takes many months. If finances are really an issue it may be worth taking a "bridge" job. Expect that there will be ups and downs and the process can be stressful.

7. Get support. This is the time to be open to support from colleagues, friends, and family. If things get real tough even professional counseling to help with the transition may be in order. Career coaching may help if you are stuck or in need of greater focus in your job search. Networking groups can be a great source of support because you will be with people who are experiencing some of the same ups and downs as you and it is a reminder that the process is tough.